Scott’s Sh**ty Week 14 Picks

Week 13 was ugly. There is always parity, but this is becoming ridiculous.

My Pick: Oakland (+10.5) vs. Denver
The Broncos notched a solid win over the Bucs, clinching the decrepit AFC West. They win here,Houston Texans v Tennessee Titans but that’s a huge line and I’m taking the points.

Denver will look ahead to next Sunday against the Ravens. It’s Thursday, and they have no interest in further embarrassing the poor pitiful Raiders. Then again, it is Thursday.

My Pick: Washington (-2.5) vs. Baltimore
Monday’s box score is misleading…RGIII looked fantastic at home against the Giants, especially his 46 yard fake-handoff rush that positioned the Skins for a score. The Redskins’ defense pulled out a “bend-but-not-break” performance.

Eli made some great “Eli” passes to Cruz, Nicks, and TE Martellus Bennett, but the Redskins kept the Giants out of the endzone. If the game is close, RGIII can gut it out.

The Baltimore offense hasn’t looked right the last couple weeks, and they need this win bad as they close with Denver, NYG, and at Cincinnati.

There has been much hay made about home field advantage this year, and how they no longer really exist, but watching those DC fans Monday night, it seemed you just need to have the right inspiration.

Then again, everybody shows on Monday night, except the erudite Giants.Houston Texans v Tennessee Titans

I am going to ride this RGIII high till it blows up in my face.

My Pick: Cleveland (-6.5) vs. Kansas City
This is not your father’s Cleveland. Yes, it is still led by Brandon Weeden, sigh, but otherwise they’re almost there.

I am afraid of giving 5.5 points to Cleveland under any circumstances and if there’s a team to avoid for the rest of the year, it’s K.C.

My Pick: Pittsburgh (OFF) vs. San Diego
Pittsburgh’s defense is keeping them in games, Charlie Batch has everyone sentimental, and Roethlisberger is expected back.

We know San Diego is bad, the real question is what happens with Norv Turner and Philip Rivers going forward? San Diego has just one more win than Philly, Oakland, and Carolina; and only two more than Kansas City and Jacksonville.

I hope KC gets the first overall pick and selects Matt Barkley or Geno Smith for the sake of Dwayne Bowe and Jamaal Charles, but I could stand to see SD get a high pick and become chicly cool and competitive again, replacing Rivers or getting him a weapon or some protection. Also, I would like Norv Turner indefinitely suspended for being “simply awful” by the ever more neutotically demented and deaf Goodell.

My Pick: Indianapolis (-5.5) vs. TitansPhiladelphia Eagles v Dallas Cowboys
Bad Tennessee shows up.

My Pick: Jacksonville (+2.5) vs. Jets
Chad Henne let us all down last week. The Jets D looked okay. But, the Jets abhor winning: Ryan has named Sanchez as the starter.

My Pick: Chicago (-3) @ Minnesota
I hate picking Chicago against anyone, especially on the road, but they handled the Vikings 28-10 two weeks ago in Chicago despite a 108 yard ground effort from Adrian Peterson. Percy Harvin is out, and Chicago will still be brooding over their overtime loss to Russell Wilson at home.

Stating the obvious because it is insane and exceptional, I wanted to point once again to the remarkable year Adrian Peterson is having with 1,446 rushing yards through twelve games, more than 300+ his nearest rival, and a 6.2 yards per carry average, good for 3rd best in the NFL among running backs…all coming off a torn ACL in late December of last year.

My Pick: Carolina (+3) vs. AtlantaCarolina Panthers v Kansas City Chiefs
Homedogs. Atlanta has to skunk it somewhere.

My Pick: Tampa Bay (-7.5) vs. Philly
Bryce Brown is sick. I am really struggling not to take the points. But, Tampa gets back on track here. Their defense can stop Nick Foles and I think Doug Martin, Josh Freeman, Vincent Jackson, and a revitalized Dallas Clark pour it on.

My Pick: St. Louis (+3) @ Buffalo
St. Louis has punished me for picking against them the last 3 weeks. Buffalo got it going in Jacksonville which means they’ll probably be a little slow getting things going here. This offense loves to be good one week and putrid the next. I’m putting my faith in the NFC West’s new found defensive prowess and praying this doesn’t end up looking like a trip to London, AFC East teams have been scoring easily on the Rams this season. And I am for some reason remembering the Jets debacle.

My Pick: Cincy (-3.5) vs. Dallas
Two Ohio teams favored, maybe it really is the Apocalypse.

My Pick: Miami (+10) vs. San Fran
Jim Harbaugh has personally flogged each one of his players as a result of last week’s loss to the Rams. They also have not been allowed any dessert after dinner, even if they’ve eaten all their vegetables.

Miami is pesky and they covered last week. If Tannehill doesn’t crap his Depends brand QB pants, they do again.

My Pick: Giants (-5) vs. Saints
Both of these teams got embarrassed last week.

Despite the Saints best effort of the year defensively  they didn’t cover thanks to five Drew Brees Carolina Panthers v Kansas City Chiefsinterceptions, which won’t happen again. The Giants were sunk by dropped passes and the indefatigable Robert Griffin Tres, the one and only.

The Giants might possum themselves out of the playoffs this year and the Saints are really playing only for pride, though they could sneak in if they win out.

I’m checking the weather, it’ll be 51 and rainy. Hmmm.

My Pick: Arizona (+10) @ Seattle
These lines!

My Pick: Green Bay (-6.5) vs. Detroit
In the context of Bountygate and the NFL’s alleged concern for the health of their players, Suh’s explicit desire to not only injure, but maim, opposing players becomes nothing short of hilarious.

Detroit has nothing left to play for unless Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson each happen to own themselves in fantasy leagues. I see no reason Green Bay won’t cover.

My Pick: Houston (+3.5) @ Boston
This could be some great football.

I am a little turned-off by the Pats, not because of their somewhat underwhelming effort against Miami last week, but rather their injury report.

What often scares me into picking the Patriots, no matter the line, is their pedigree. Again, I state the obvious because we can sometimes forget: Brady and Belichick have been doing this for a decade.

Another thing to keep in mind: Houston’s sole loss came against the Packer’s, who rang them up for 6 touchdowns. While the Houston offense only scored twice, both came from Arian Foster, one yard out. New England is one of the few offenses in the same echelon as Green Bay.

Stone Cold Lock of the Century of the Week: Green Bay vs. Detroit

Last Week: 7-9


Overall: 23-22-1


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